The Best (and Messiest) Things That Happened at the 2014 Golden Globes

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The Golden Globes are always a boozy, messy start to the awards season, and thankfully this year was no different! In fact, it was even boozier than usual (looking at you, Ms. Emma Thompson).

Oh, and people won some awards too (which I will get to in another post, especially regarding 12 Years a Slave’s near-snub).

In the mean time, here are some of the best moments of the 2014 Golden Globes (in no particular order):

Tina Fey and Amy Poehler Hosting Again

These women should host everything forever. As expected, the duo absolutely killed it. No one was spared in their comedic tornado,. Not Tom Hanks (or Tam Honks, as Amy put it). Not Matt Damon (“…tonight, you are basically the garbage man”).

Not even Leonardo DiCaprio, who was subject to the biggest dig of the night (“like a supermodel’s vagina, please give a warm welcome…”).

Bless you, you two fantastic, gorgeous, painfully hilarious women.

Julia Louis-Dreyfus Is a Movie Star Now

During the opening monologue, Amy and Tina criticized TV star Julia Louis-Dreyfus for ditching the TV table to sit with the movie stars (she was nominated for Best Actress – Comedy). And she definitely played the part, smoking an e-cigarette and even refusing Reese Witherspoon’s attempt at a selfie. Gold.

Jacqueline Bisset’s Rambling Mess of an Acceptance Speech

Thank you to the Hollywood Foreign Press Association for introducing Jacqueline Bisset to a brand new audience. The actress was stunned that she won a Golden Globe for Best Supporting Actress (as were we) and clearly couldn’t get her thoughts together. At all. Her speech, if you can call it that, was a disaster that immediately called into question how many glasses of champagne she had downed 15 minutes into the broadcast. But at her age and with her career, we can forgive Miss Bisset this lapse in awards decorum. Somewhere in heaven, Elizabeth Taylor is thanking her.

Bradley Cooper Was Pressed About Losing to Jared Leto (Like, Really Pressed)

Poor Bradley Cooper. The nominee was absolutely pressed and stressed over losing the Best Actor award to Jared Leto. During Leto’s speech (which was kind of a mess, to be honest), Cooper was shown rolling his eyes, as you can see in the GIF above. You have to love audience reactions sometimes.

Maybe-Drunk Emma Thompson Tossed Her Shoes And Didn’t Care About Your Feelings

Oh, Emma Thompson. Thank you so much for walking onto the stage with a martini glass in one hand and your heels in another. My hands were clasped to my mouth every second. And when you tossed your heels over your shoulder to open the envelope? Genius. Either it was one of the best performances of her career or they seriously need to put a lien on how much liquor is consumed at this event.

Amy Poehler as Mr. Golden Globe

Seriously, they need to host everything. Amy Poehler played Tina Fey’s son Mr. Golden Globe and was absolutely not having it, hilariously complaining about how bored she was, making fun of Kevin Bacon’s daughter and running into the audience to find Tina’s baby daddy. Who knew Idris Elba had baby mama drama?

Amy Poehler Finally Won a Golden Globe (and Made Out With Bono)

It’s kind of weird to be hosting a show that you’ve been nominated for and lost, huh? Well Amy finally got her due, winning Best TV Actress – Comedy after three consecutive nominations. Her use of fellow winner Bono as a seat-warmer and personal masseuse was great enough, but when she won, she planted an Adrien Brody-style kiss on the U2 frontman. Finally a bride and not a bridesmaid, Amy was truly shocked and happy to finally take home the Globe, and everyone was happy for her.

Diddy Is Officially Banned From Award Shows

While Jacqueline’s drunken antics were charmingly awkward, and Emma was plan old hilarious, Diddy’s behavior was just awful. He was a certified train wreck, and no one was having any of his behavior, especially not Golden Globe winner Bono, who Diddy tried to hug but Bono pulled away. Seriously, all of his future awards invitation have just been burned.

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